He feels like home to me.

I don't know why or how... islamic scholars say that when a man loves a woman, he loves his extension and yearns for the part of him that was extracted at the very beginning of his existence. When a woman loves a man, she loves her origin, or her home, the one that she was created from at the very beginning of her existence.

They liken this to the adam and eve story, where god reached into adam's chest, and from his rib created the more beautiful, more delicate, life-giving form of a female and named her eve.

But i'd never thought of it that way when i said he feels like home to me. What i did think of was the complete security and stability of our relationship, the way he makes me feel safe, his ability to appreciate me and everything about me.

But i lost that sense of trust and stability. We'd been fighting for the past month...  and it never seemed to get better. A couple weeks ago, we argued until we both fell asleep. We'd meet up, pretend nothing was happening, and proceed to coldly continue our discussions. He had no idea that he was pulling away - and that was most likely because i've remained the same.

We discussed these things while he emptily declared his love, over and over, as if the more he says it, the more likely i am to believe it. I believed that he loves, but just doesnt care as much. I believed i was being taken for granted. I can barely remember what happened in these past few weeks, because i've become so like a blob that time passes me, instead of making way.

Eventually, though, after all that arguing, we reached some kind of agreement in terms of attention. I saw that he made an effort to return to past times - we'd most days buy a bottle of sweet wine and get tipsy, sit around and talk the night away. But i made this pretty surprising, pretty cringing, pretty unsettling discovery. I have to sleep now, cause i can barely open my eyes, but i'll continue soon.