I had woken up three times that night, before finally deciding it was time to wake up.

The first time it was because i felt siri placing her arm around me in her sleep, and i naturally curled up into her warmth. The second time, the sun was rising and what i saw from my place on Kris's bed, through the glass doors to the balcony, was a breathtaking view of date palm heads, silhouetted against the deep red of the sky.

Finally, when siri's watch read 8am and i had slept no more than four hours, I knew i couldn't sleep any more than that. I sat up, stretched out, filled with the most beautiful feeling in the world. I had woken up to a gorgeous view in a bedroom full of huge windows and early morning sunshine, and my whole body ached from the night before. But it was a good ache - a pleasurable ache, because the incredible experience had lingered on me even when he didn't. Despite all the times my underwear and bra had been in the pool on my body, they were completely dry, and they were all i wore. I smelled him on me, and last night's moisture still clung to me. Every inch of discomfort that resulted from the play of the event was dear to me.

I didn't know it at the time, but months  later found out that down stairs, awakening from a short sleep on the sofas, Kris was feeling exactly the same thing.

And at exactly the same time, a storm hit us. "Will he/she still love me today?"

And while the thought had clung to me even harder than last night's remnants, Kris was much more easygoing about it. Such things are expected from those who lack all emotions but excitement.

I saw my reflection in his closet door mirrors and my brow rose. My chest and my neck were littered with not only hickeys, but bruises, as were my inner thighs. It didn't look all that nice, but somehow, due only to the love i had for Kris, the sight made me smile warmly to a  reflection that, for the first time, looked perfect to me. I went into his bathroom, and a knowing smile touched my lips when i saw the red bottle of cologne that he had blabbered on about last friday. I sprayed some against the mirror - it was most definitely the bottle that was red, and not 'the stuff inside the bottle.' But that wasn't the only red i saw. I was bleeding, and i frowned. I hoped my hymen hadn't broken so easily - for my own reasons, i wanted it to be a part of my first time. In the weeks to come i would find that i still had it.

But it still freaked me out. When i left the bathroom Siri was awake, and that was the first thing i told her. She was the mother - the more experienced one. She gave me a surprised look.

"Whoa. So how does it feel, not being a virgin anymore?"

"It didn't happen from sex..." i said in a low tone. "Don't think we got as far as that. We would have if we found a condom though."

She grinned. "That's funny. I bet you checked my wallet to find the secret one i always kept with me."

"Yeah, i did." I blushed.

"Too bad, i used it already." She laughed a little and we returned to the bed to sit down and talk.

The smiling siri i saw before me had no resemblance to the one i saw last night, when she'd walked into his bedroom and seen us, over tousled sheets.

Her first reaction was of shock - and so she was silent. She sat on the edge of his bed staring at the floor as we straightened out our remaining clothes.

"Where's my bra?" i'd asked dazedly.

"Probably still by the side of the pool, all wet," siri had said bitterly.

"No," Kris murmured, "you're sitting on it, Siri."

She stood, grabbed it, and flung it at me, wordless. I was taken aback, and rushed to put it back on, but i was so shaken up i couldn't do it myself, and Kris, without even one word, reversed his common knowledge and replaced it for me.

I lay back when i was fully dressed (which, because of the intimacy between the three of us, meant i was no longer topless) and stared at the ceiling, drifting in and out of blissful daydreams as siri stayed in her place on the edge of the bed and Kris found his electric guitar. I buried under the duvet to warm up, and i felt him rest his head on my legs. For a while we were silent, save the random strumming Kris did on the guitar n the few times he made a stupid comment.

"So... are we just gonna lie here like this until morning?"

"What's the point of this? Lynn's going to luxor and i'm going to sharm and siri's going to Asuan, all within 48 hours, so it's such a damn waste of time to lie here doing nothing!"

Then he started pretending to have a conversation, just to piss us off.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. you dont have to tell me over and over."

"Uh-huh. Whatever."

"I told you i'm not a fricken fag, woman."

That kind of thing. In the midst of my dreaming, i heard Kris say something that i didnt quite catch, and siri furiously replied with "Why, so you can go make out with her again?"

At that point, i decided it was time to just do something. So i sat up, leaned over, and for a moment i had to pause because Kris just looked so adorable. He was lying across the foot of the bed, almost on his side, his head resting on my lower legs, half hidden beneath the duvet, the guitar against his bare chest. God, that delicious european tan... i smiled and reached out and strummed the guitar strings, but as i did it, Kris grabbed the strings to stop the sound, and when i strummed again, just to challenge him, he covered my hand in his. It would have been to stop me - but it turned into a caress.

"Lynn. Lynn! Get your hand away from him, now!" siri growled.

"Why?" i asked simply.

"You have a boyfriend!"

"I don't have a boyfriend anymore. I had a boyfriend and after publicly humiliating me he forced me against the doorframe, screaming, in front of my little brother. But i don't have a boyfriend anymore."

After that, only silence followed.

"I wanna go to bed," siri said eventually. "i need sleep."

"Okay," Kris said, and he prepared to get under the covers with me.

"What do you think you're doing?" Siri said threateningly.

He sighed hard. "I guess i'll sleep on the couch downstairs then. Wait, this is MY house womenz, you two should be sleeping on the couches."

But one look from siri confirmed what we already knew - we would take his bed and he would take the couch. He said his goodnights to us and sulked out of the room.

"Why isn't he sleeping with us?" i asked. God, being able to spend a night sleeping in his arms would have been the icing on an already towering and delicious cake - but Siri took that away from me, over something that sounded a lot like jealousy.

"He's sleeping downstairs," siri said with scorn, "at least he has some sense of responsibility."

I knew siri, and i knew she was a jealous type, and i knew she used to have feelings for him. A 19 year old metalhead should have been satisfying enough already, but...  i wouldnt understand it until i had a brief moment of the same feelings myself,  a few months later.

"You think it's gonna get anywhere, though?" she asked.

"Well... it was more than just a one night stand. That's for sure. I feel like this could be the beginning of something big."

"Well if it is, you two better not just move on like it never happened," siri said.

"I know... something's bothering me though."

"What?" she asked, leaning over.

"I honestly dont know." But the sounds of footsteps on the stairs made me go rigid and we waited in silence, until Kris passed the corridor into his room and went into his bathroom. As soon as the door was shut, we stood.

Siri and i left the sunny bedroom. I pulled on my pyjamas while siri found a pair of jeans to put on. Our clothes were still all scattered across the poolside, and the garden, and the living room which was now full of sunshine too, and gave a nice view of the pool and garden outside. While i crossed the hallway into the kitchen, i heard Kris's  footsteps across the same hallway, from the staircase to the living room. I grabbed a beer and returned to the living room.

"Anybody want one of these?" i asked, holding up the beer.

"Yeah, sure," siri said.

"Same here," Kris replied.

"Now go get our order, bitch," siri said with a playful smirk.

I grinned. "Fuck you," i said jokingly.

When i returned with their 'orders,' we sat around as if nothing had changed, until siri began teasing us over what she saw going on in his bed.

"It was nothing!" kris insisted, but with his ubiquitous and unmanageable humor.

"I wouldn't exactly call fingering nothing, kris," siri said, and we both turned red.

I can't remember much of what happened, because i was suddenly so worried about why, for the few times we did make eye contact, there was nothing there. Nothing i saw from the night before, anyway. It was as if nothing really had changed. I had a flight to luxor at 4pm that day, and it was already 10 by the time we tried calling a cab over here, so in the end we all put on our day clothes and got ready to leave.

We knew as we were getting ready to leave, picking up the remnant's of last night's wild party in the beer cans and clothing and pizza all over the floor, that the three of us would never have an experience like that again - it was paradise, in an empty house, garden and pool, with booze and the two closest friends - i didnt know it yet, but that trio would soon be coming to an end, because of the chemistry and the feelings that we had finally admitted to ourselves, and to each other.

We walked the dusty, winding maze of large houses to the highway again. Everything was different in the daylight. The trip was over, and as we walked in a line, me in the middle for once (siri has an obsession with being in the middle) we all looked upset about it. We were leaving pieces of ourselves behind.

When we eventually found a cab in the blistering heat, Kris hugged us both goodbye, but he lingered with his arms around me and pressed  his cheek against my brow. My bloodstains, from the night before, were still on his shirt, and i watched him cross the highway back to his house until the cab started moving and i was on my way home, to pack for a family trip that, as always, would end in drama and chaos.

But i still wore his bruises and his hickeys, on more than just my neck. I still felt the burning sensitivity that was aggravated simply by the tightness of my jeans. But it was good pain. It was a constant reminder that things were changing at the speed of sounds, and i was headed in a completely new and unknown direction.