I was rushing through the front doors of the high school building.

Not because i was late, or because i felt like rushing, or because the 3 o'clock strike was such a relief that i just had to get out of school, but because i knew skander was somewhere behind me in the crowd, from the guy that called out "Hey, skandaaa!" somewhere on the staircase, and my boyfriend, who growled "not now, i have things to do." I could feel his footsteps behind me and i didnt want another confrontation.

That entire week, we hadn't spoken. Not because i was avoiding him, but because he couldn't bother to show up and see his friends and his girlfriend within the three breaks we had for all five school days. He knew, though, that i would be spending the night at Kris's empty house, with siri and several bottles of 10% vodka pops.

God, i was pissed. I didnt feel like dealing with him. A lot of things had been happening, between him and me, surrounding siri and several other things. Our relationship was already at its end - all we needed was to close it down.

"Lynn," i heard him say behind me. "Lynn."

"What?" i was walking faster.

"Uh,,,," he took a long time to get the words out of his mouth... "about tonight, the thing at Kris's house, i'm going to go with you, and i'd like you to agree with it."

I stopped and turned. "What?"

"I want to be there," he said.

"I already told you that we'll be getting drunk. And you don't drink. And you never stay the night at anybody's house with me, for all the opportunities you ever had."

"i know it doesnt sound that great but you need supervision."

"What?? Look, siri's gonna be there. And you're not on good terms with her. It's something we planned for three best friends to get rid of all the stress, and you being in the same room as her all night will be pretty stressful, considering everything."

"I wasn't planning anything!" He yelled, and several heads turned.

I tightened up at his tone of voice, but i didnt want to stoop to that level and yell back. I stayed calm. "It doesnt matter if you're planning or not. The fact is she wont wanna be around you right now. After all the stuff you've said and tried to do, it's just not a good idea."

For the past two months, he had been arguing with me constantly about siri - how he didnt want me to see her anymore, how his mom looked through her file at her school and found that she had bad grades. She smoked cigarettes and she was daring and impulsive. But that didn't matter. She was my best friend at the time, a really close ally and someone i enjoyed being with. He accused her of being suicidal. He accused her of lying and constantly seeking attention. Whatever issues she had to deal with, he didn't care - to him she was just an unstable, uncaring, non-believing little bitch who sought out attention and couldn't be trusted. She used to date one of our friends, and their break up wasn't a smooth one. Skander accused her of fucking him up. Whatever it was that he hated so much about her, it was driving me crazy that he wasn't man enough to put it aside for me. For all that i'd done for him, holding him when he was freaking out, giving him encouragement, giving him support, giving him all my love and willing to give him all my time, i was surprised that he'd be so reluctant to do just one thing for me.

He often yelled at me. He was a drama queen. Life, to him, was a romance movie. He was immature and i was outgrowing his love for blockbuster romance. Even the way he spoke was like a dramatic soap opera. One night, he spent over an hour pretending to be drunk. It wasn't even funny. He cursed at his friends, he was pessimistic - he hated everybody but me, and tried to make me do the same. As Kris had said, he had an ambition to be my one and only. Not one and only love - but one and only companion. I dont know if he realized it at the time, but thats what he wanted. And if that was true, then i'd be spending six days a week alone, with nobody.

When i began to patch things up with siri, after a month or two of very little contact, he was angry about it. When i was in london for three days during the school week, getting a second opinion on my budding hyperthyroidism, i got  a message from her on facebook. "You never told me you were in london!" siri said, and she demanded that we hang out once she comes back. We talked endlessly on the phone, and she brought her new boyfriend to my house while i was recovering. I showed off my new green dress and she showed off her 19 year old egyptian boyfriend. I was dazzled by how friendly and open he was, and i invited skander to join us at a shisha cafe. He was angry the whole night. When i smoked a shisha, he was even angrier. When we went back to my house alone, he was furious. He hated her because of her grades. Boo hoo. that doesnt change the way that, as two compatible personalities, she and i clicked together.

I had grown tired of all the arguing after a while, and eventually told siri everything that he'd been saying about her. Of course, she was hurt and upset. She tried to discuss it online and ask for all the reasons he was disgusted by her.  He handled it in the wrong way and only made it worse. So eventually, we all became tired of the drama, and i was tired of being neglected/dominated. Thats why, at the end of the school week, and the eve of spring break, i was ready to get out of that damned situation.

I started walking again, and he practically stuck his front to my  back. I felt like there was a fly buzzing in my ear. "What would you gain from coming with me?"

"I dont know!" He yelled again. The way that he was talking to me made everybody look. It was damn embarassing. "I just want to spend some time making sure that nothing bad happens!"

"So you think i need a chaperone?" I snapped.

"NO! GOD, why are you being like that?"

"Because i'm tired," i said simply, and i pushed through the turning barrier. There's really only supposed to be one person per compartment. But he just had to glue himself to me and shove into one with me, screaming at me the whole way, in front of small kids and their parents.

The entire way from school to home i had to endure his yelling. Now, i can barely remember what it was about. Something about me dropping siri and hanging out with the 'other girls.' he listed names. Yes, of course he'd want me to be with the asians. Of course he'd want me to be conservative and giggly. Of course he'd want me to be with the asians, so i could become more asian than the half of me that already is asian, and fulfill his fantasies even further. He used to fantasize out loud, while lying on my bed with me, about our 'first time.' In detail. How i've just come out of the bath and i'm wearing my black silk kimono, the one he's obsessed with cause it's so goddamned asian. God. He was trying to turn me into his perfect girl, asian, conservative, and submissive. Like a ray of light.  like a whispering spirit. LOL. He was obsessed with martial arts and asians. I've been there and done that, but i was fucking thirteen and i wanted to get as far away from the real world as possible at that time. At least i had excuses.

He was so loud and so dominating that it was hard to keep in control, especially since every head on the street was turned in our direction. I was under the barrage, and i was boiling with rage.

A yellow, exotic, beautiful tree that had seemed caught in the stillness of a perfect day had rattled as soon as we passed, me in my rage, him in his lack of control. It was a pretty windy day, but it was as if the wind felt my anger and followed me, shaking everything within my path.

"I didnt even start this fight!" he kept saying. "She was the one who said she had a bone to pick with me!" And his voice continued to crack. Christ.

"Well," i said, trying to remain calm, "she only approached you cause she wanted to know the truth. And she has a right, considering the amount of shit you shoved into my head about her."

"Well that doesn't mean you have to turn on ME now!"

"Well, considering you're constantly putting judgement on my best friend, and giving me the worst picture of her that you could, and you're trying to pull us apart for incredibly obscured reasons, i have my right to be pissed."

"NOBODY'S JUDGING HER! DON'T YOU GET THAT?"

And even more heads turned. Lovely. People began to point and watch, some with concern, some with laughter.

And i had to endure his bouts of anger, in public, with my head down, trying to stay in control, the submissive girlfriend he dreamt of. Damn, i wanted to yell back, cause being publicly scorned and overpowered is no fun, but in all my humiliation, i just wanted to keep calm.

"All i said is i'd like to come tonight! I'm not gonna do anything!"

"Hey!" i said. "This night is supposed to be a gathering for three best friends, i cant bring along my angry boyfriend, especially after what you've been saying and what she knows of you now."

"Yeah, but you'll be staying the night with..." he trailed off from another bout of fury.

"Staying the night with who? An atheist attention seeking slut with bad grades? is that it?"

"Nobody is fucking judging her, lynn!"

And again. more heads. more pointing. more laughing. Thank god i was close to home.

"You say nobody is judging her?" I asked incredulously. It was time to get pissed. "You tell me you cant control me cause we're not married, yet you still want to keep me away from the closest people i have? You're trying to make me hate my best friend, point out her every flaw, tell me she's no good when you dont have a fucking valid reason to  give me... am i missing something here or are you just that senseless?"

And the screaming got louder. He raged at me like a blowtorch, and i stayed cool, a dry ice against his irrational behavior. It was strange, how i looked at the one i'd spent almost 9 months with, in such disgust. He was the one i'd stayed with and held and supported and waited for and pleasured and coddled for almost a year of my life, and now, i didnt even wanna be next to him.

"All i wanted was for you to stop hanging out with her, n keep it the way it was! No more shisha, no more sleepovers, none of that. Just hang out with all the other girls!"

I clicked my front door open and paused, half out of anger and half because i was worried that he'd follow me inside.

"Skander..." i paused to take in a breath.

"What?" he asked darkly, as if he  was annoyed that he would have to hear me speak.

"What the hell are you doing? You're not my husband, you're not my father, you're my fucking boyfriend. Who do you honestly think you are? As my boyfriend, who i've given so goddamned much to and recieved almost nothing in return from... why would you ask me to give up someone who's been there for me all this time?"

"What the hell are  you talking about?!?" He yelled, and just then, adam came to see what was going on.

I tried to smile at my little brother, reassuringly, but Skander fucked it up even more.

"Are you deaf? Hey! Explain what the hell  you were saying!"

"I'm not deaf, i can hear you from here," i said in a low tone, to keep the volume down in front of the 10-year-old.

"So what were you talking about!" god, he just couldnt take the hint.

"I'm talking about a relationship that's full of control and fucking neglect!"

He grabbed me by my forearms and held me against the doorframe. "LISTEN!"

I shoved my arms from his grip and glared icily at him, feeling even worse because adam had to see it all in front of his eyes.

"This is all because of her. The arguments, the problems, you not listening to me, it's all because of her! See what siri's causing? She fucks everybody around her."

"What, you're gonna blame this on her too?" I hissed. "Dont push me around. Don't talk to me like that. Keep your hands off of me. Don't yell at me in front of adam! Are you insane? Just get out of here... i've had enough. Give me a week for a break... i just need some time out."

He realized that he couldnt afford to be power hungry with  me and returned to his sweet and loving facade. The overacted drama was so pathetic it was a real effort to keep from scoffing. He moved towards me slowly, stretched out his hand, placed it on my shoulder finger by finger, a look of defeated-samurai pain on his face. And the beaten warrior slowly leaned in towards my ear, his voice husky and shaky, as if this was the final act in a tragedy. "Whatever happens, my darling, i want you to know that i really do care about you and i really do love you." God. his voice in my ear was just... ugh. The way he reenacted a soap opera moment was unbearable. I wanted out. More than that, i wanted to be with Kris.

I didnt reply. I just gave him a sorry look, stepped inside, and closed the door in his face. He  went from wife-beater to wounded puppy within nano seconds, and that alone was a bit... abnormal. Suddenly, i'd realized that every romantic moment was like that. A soap opera scene. Quotations of books. Words and stories that weren't even his own, but things he'd seen in the romance movies he was so addicted to. He didnt live in this world, with me. He lived in a fantasy world, and i was stupid enough to go with it. Kris hadn't only brought out our feelings - he'd put me back into the real world. I hadn't been there in almost three years.

When i was inside, i went straight to my room and threw his necklace out the window. I was ready to put him behind me and start off anew with my two best friends. No, my four best friends. And i was ready to begin something new with Kris.

On the sunday after that night, when i had health class with Kris, we almost never looked at each other. It was too awkward. I had his watch in my  pocket n i was constantly holding it in my hand during the lesson. When it came time for group activities, i walked up to his desk, across the class, and placed it on his desk. It was so damn awkard i felt like i'd be better off cold in the beginning, just in case acknowledging it in any way would mess things up.

But that lunchtime, as he dumped his bag on the ground and sat beside me, we couldnt help but smile at each other.

"Do you remember anything from the other night?" He asked.

"Every second," i said, and the electricity in our eye contact was so obvious even elmo could feel it. He knew something was up, and i was waiting for the time to admit it to my most trusted friend.

But as i said my last words, i saw skander backing away from our table and heading down the stairs. He didnt even say hello.

The rest of the week, we spent planning the best way to kick off a great spring break. On tuesday, he came excitedly up to me and announced that on wednesday night, the first night of spring break, his house would be completely empty, from that day until the next sunday. As we discussed how i would get there, asking him if i could just go with his driver or meet with siri first, or all just go to her place and take a cab to his house, skander came into the big computer lab to see me. He overheard, stopping at the door instead of crossing the room to me. He didnt make himself noticed, n i pretended i didn't know he was there. Within seconds, he was gone.

We had planned out the entire thing - i'd be at siri's house by seven, and meet the two of them. We'd set off for alcohol, and then find the way, past the sphynx and the pyramids, to his house in a huge estate.

When i came back from a vigorous work out at the gym, i was ready to shine. I knew big things would be happening that night, so i washed my hair just right, used  waterproof mascara, covered my whole body in a radiant moisturizer and found the sexiest pair of matching underwear i could to go under some equally hot pyjamas.

I was stoked, and i knew he would be too. All thoughts of skander were completely out of my mind.